What are withholds?
You know when you feel like there is a block between you and someone else? When the energy doesn’t feel quite right? Like there is something in the way? You feel like you can’t fully be yourself around someone?
This is a withhold. It is a block that is in the way of a clean and clear dynamic. Communicating withholds is how to clear the block between you and someone else.
Spiritually-based relationships involve clean and clear communication that openly flows. When and if you sense that a relationship is not clear, this is an opportunity for giving feedback - a withhold.
Clearing a withhold is an excellent way to cultivate and maintain healthy and satisfying relationships.
Withholds can take many different forms. They can be judgments, attraction, intimidation, etc. We all have judgments, that is natural. When we don’t suspend our judgments, it is when they can become a withhold. Ex. “My withhold with you is that I have a judgment towards you that you are exclusive, so I avoid being around you.”
Communicating withholds is to concretely put the withhold on the table. “My withhold with you is that I am hesitant to express myself around you cause you have interrupted me many times.”
There is no blame with withholds. We are not saying “YOU made me feel” or “YOU did this thing so I feel this way”. No. The principle with withholds is radical responsibility. “I feel …” “My withhold…”
How to communicate a withhold:
“My withhold with you is that…..” Be specific.
How to respond to a withhold:
Thank you for caring enough about our relationship to be honest. I will carefully consider what you have said.
Similar to feedback, we respond by saying thank you. It is highly important to not react or act of defensiveness, but to allow the withhold to sink in before engaging in empathic dialogue.